Thursday, November 26, 2009

Happy Thanksgiving to all...

This month has been a bit of a sticker. So next month I hope to revive myself and post daily again. Till then or maybe before. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009


OK, so I have been to see my wonderful doctor. I had a complete work up, EKG, urine and full blood screening for who knows what. My blood pressure was high for the first time ever. I know those who know me find that hard to believe. That is that my blood pressure has never been high before, but it hasn't. Found out that I have a urinary tract infection which completely surprised me, no symptoms are present that I am aware of. Got med's for that. Took a bucket full of all my medications that I am currently on and she did some re-evaluating and took me off some of them and put me on some new ones. She is not the doctor who originally put me on these med's to begin with. It was my neurologist. I am canceling him out, I have realized there have been many errors made in my medication management that are and could of been if I continued to stay on them very detrimental to my life as a whole. I think, I know part of what I have been going through had to do with the enormous amounts of med's that were being mixed and combined inharmoniously throughout every vein in my body. No chance to even harmonize a simple ballet. I am sure of one thing, I am in the right medical hands from this moment on.


I have a doctor's appointment today that can and will be life altering, hopefully. I cannot continue to go on this way in my life. The depression is off the charts and the med's are immense. I am on every type of medication available for DEPRESSION, TOURETTES, ADHD, and even things I have not yet been diagnosed with. You would think that I would be happy by now. I hate complaining and I am not in any way shape or form looking or seeking for your sympathy. I hate sympathy. I think it is pathetic. Especially when there are so many others out there in dyer straights. I know that there is hope for me. I feel so blah. I can't even think forward. I don't have a creative bone in my body and everything I attempt to create, fails miserably. I lost that UMP. I am sad that I feel so sad, I am unsure why. If I could just get my finger on where all this is going maybe I could appreciate the reasons for this stage in my life. I have every reason to feel blessed. The blessed list outweighs the doom feeling I have yet here I am feeling like a lost soul in a sea of total confusion. I will find my way, I always do. I think this is the first time I have ever actually blogged about my depression so candidly. I will see how things go today. My appointment is at 2:00 with my GP. I love her and know she is on track with the who, what, and why, I am who I am. Fixing it is just not that easy. Till then. Fingers crossed and tears held back until I open my mouth at my doctors office.

Sunday, November 8, 2009


OK, so I'm not feeling 100%, but I am feeling much better. I am in the de-funking stage. I actually felt the best I've felt this whole week. Getting all my knitting done and the ornaments and swap package all finished on time for once. I will post pictures of what I am making after I send it out, it's a secret. We aren't letting our swappettes know who is sending the gifts. I love secret swaps the best. I love the stalking part. You can really learn a lot about a person through their posts, pictures, etc. Muwahhhhhhhh

Thursday, November 5, 2009

We Got The FUNK...

Yes it got me, YUCK, I feel like total crap. The one time I left my house, wouldn't you know, it found me. It hit me like a brick wall. I knew the second that my throat started having that cutting feeling that I had been GOTTEN. I feel so vulnerable and weak. I guess I shouldn't complain it could be worse it could be H1N1 better known as the SWINE FLU. So I'll just have to sit here and knit until I feel better. SIGH

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

The Holidays are at my back door...

Me in November 2009
Originally uploaded by adhdknitter

Whatever you celebrate is irrelevant, the holidays are upon us whether your ready or not. I say the same thing every year, "I'm gonna get everything done on time this year". It never happens, but the thought is there. I have so many gifts to make for my friends and family. I have so many ideas swirling around my head. I know everyone is busy and some more then others but this is the time of year to kinda look back on what worked for you this year and what didn't. I like to review my life at this time each year. Not like a report card, but kinda like a self help reflection period. It is important to take time to feel, smell, touch, see and yes hear that little (BIG) voice in your head and listen for once. So just for the sake of the holiday, give yourself the gift of you, just you. Your thoughts, your hopes, your dreams, who knows they may be coming true right under your nose.