Wednesday, November 11, 2009


OK, so I have been to see my wonderful doctor. I had a complete work up, EKG, urine and full blood screening for who knows what. My blood pressure was high for the first time ever. I know those who know me find that hard to believe. That is that my blood pressure has never been high before, but it hasn't. Found out that I have a urinary tract infection which completely surprised me, no symptoms are present that I am aware of. Got med's for that. Took a bucket full of all my medications that I am currently on and she did some re-evaluating and took me off some of them and put me on some new ones. She is not the doctor who originally put me on these med's to begin with. It was my neurologist. I am canceling him out, I have realized there have been many errors made in my medication management that are and could of been if I continued to stay on them very detrimental to my life as a whole. I think, I know part of what I have been going through had to do with the enormous amounts of med's that were being mixed and combined inharmoniously throughout every vein in my body. No chance to even harmonize a simple ballet. I am sure of one thing, I am in the right medical hands from this moment on.


I have a doctor's appointment today that can and will be life altering, hopefully. I cannot continue to go on this way in my life. The depression is off the charts and the med's are immense. I am on every type of medication available for DEPRESSION, TOURETTES, ADHD, and even things I have not yet been diagnosed with. You would think that I would be happy by now. I hate complaining and I am not in any way shape or form looking or seeking for your sympathy. I hate sympathy. I think it is pathetic. Especially when there are so many others out there in dyer straights. I know that there is hope for me. I feel so blah. I can't even think forward. I don't have a creative bone in my body and everything I attempt to create, fails miserably. I lost that UMP. I am sad that I feel so sad, I am unsure why. If I could just get my finger on where all this is going maybe I could appreciate the reasons for this stage in my life. I have every reason to feel blessed. The blessed list outweighs the doom feeling I have yet here I am feeling like a lost soul in a sea of total confusion. I will find my way, I always do. I think this is the first time I have ever actually blogged about my depression so candidly. I will see how things go today. My appointment is at 2:00 with my GP. I love her and know she is on track with the who, what, and why, I am who I am. Fixing it is just not that easy. Till then. Fingers crossed and tears held back until I open my mouth at my doctors office.